Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Kittens Are From Hell.

Kitten season is upon us. As veritable tsunamis of the tiny fuzzies are washing up on our adoption floor, it's very easy for potential adopters to overlook our amazing adult cats. We know kittens are so tiny, so adorable, so innocent looking. We know that makes it hard to remember that kittens are also instruments of mass destruction. Will they grow out of it? Of course. Is it manageable? Very much so. But will they ruin your life for a while? We said about it puppies and we will say it again about kittens: a resounding yes. They will ruin your life for a while. 

We love you all very much, potential adopter people who might be reading this. We adore you. We very much want you to cross our doors and meet our amazing animals and be in awe of our awesome, fun, cool Animal Community Center. We just want to issue a friendly reminder that when you do, you might want to look at some adult cats as well. 

Exhibit A: House Manners

Kitten: Shreds More Than A Metal Band

After I'm done with this I'm going to add some  fringe to those jeans for you...
There is no such thing as a cat toy. To be more succinct, there is no such thing as NOT a cat toy. Your favorite Ikea curtains? A rock climbing wall.  Grandma Elsie's heirloom figurines of milkmaids? Air hockey pucks. That rug you brought back from your backpacking trip in Turkey? Forget it, just forget it. Yes, they grow out of it and yes, you can kitten-proof your home but good gracious, the work. You're better off just moving to a padded cell until they're old enough to be civilized.

Cat: Appreciates Activity Specific Equipment

Behold my perfect, non-destructive behavior. Stand in awe.
This is Bunny. See Bunny scratching on her scratching post? That's because Bunny, like you, knows there's a time and place for certain things. You don't use a power drill to eat spaghetti and Bunny doesn't scratch on the sofa. And if she does by accident, you show her what she's supposed to be doing once or twice and she's got it. Why? Because she's old enough to have a better attention span than a doorknob. Three cheers for reaching  the age of reason!

Exhibit B: Sleeping Habits.

Kitten: More Adept At Nocturnal Assaults Than The Navy SEALS.

There is a void in my soul that only the taste of toes can fill...
Do you want to know why this kitten looks possessed? Because she can't wait to try and eat your toes. And do you know when the best time to eat toes is? 2 AM. 2 AM is prime toe eating time. Why? Because you're asleep. This kitten is champin' at the bit to hear you start snoring so she can launch a sneak attack. Why? Because that is what kittens do.

Cat: Views Sleeping As An Olympic Sport, Practices Often

Shouldn't we be shuffling off to bed about now? 

It's 11:10 and Jacq is ten minutes late for his 11:00 AM nap. He's late because his 9:30 nap ran late. He's resting up to hang out with you for a while when you get home - watch some TV, maybe bat the feather around if you feel so inclined - but then he's totally down for bedtime. Why? Because he loves sleep. And he knows you feel your best when you're well rested. Feeling your best is very, very important to Jacq so he works hard at that getting-enough-rest thing. He has no problem letting you sleep. Unless you're late putting his breakfast down.  Then all bets are off. 

Exhibit C: Table Manners

Kittens: Eat Like Drunks At A Vegas Buffet

Aim for the piehole, Junior. Aim for the piehole.

Food: it's not just for eating. It's for splashing, rolling, throwing, face dunking - all sorts of awesome stuff. Puppies might finger paint in poop but kittens get right in the mix by making their own masterpieces with sticky, fishy kitten-food mush. Masterpieces that will get tracked across your carpet. Masterpieces that will leave sticky kitten-paw prints on the remnants of Grandma Elsie's poor milkmaid figurines when you find them on the floor. Ever try to wash a sticky kitten? Have fun with that. We'd rather wrestle an angry hippo. 

Cat: Exhibits Healthy Appetite But Has Downton Abbey Table Manners.

Gimme gimme gimme - and I will delicately enjoy it..

If cats had thumbs, they would want the full complement of utensils. A spoon for the fish shaped kibble. A separate fork for the little round ones. A special, flatter one for the canned. And cloth napkins, of course. No need to leave your dining area looking like a blast zone when all that deliciousness can be savored and enjoyed. Just make sure you put it down on time. In addition to being delicate with their dining habits, cats also are punctual. We appreciate that about them. 

Should you decide that you can't resist the misbehavin' little furballs, keep an eye on our website to see which ones are available. If you decide you adore kittens but have commitment issues, we are always in need of kitten foster homes.  If you've seen the light and are now ready to meet the amazing adult cat of your dreams, we have plenty of those that are as eager to see your smiling face as we are. 

Whatever you decide, remember this weekend is Maddie's Pet Adoption Days and all adoptions on Saturday, 5/30 and Sunday, 5/31 are FREE FREE FREE. Our goal is to empty the shelter. Weren't you thinking of adopting? 

Fantastic. We'll see you there. 


And we will be waiting here to jump on your head and scare the snot out of you.