Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Puppies Are Evil.

Yes, they are so stinkin' cute. We know that. We also know that we have a passel of them that will be up for adoption in a few days. But before you get all in a kerfluffle over bringing home a puppy, we want to make sure we've warned you - really, really, thoroughly warned you - that through no fault of their own puppies are made of evil. Do they grow out of it? Yup, with some training. Are they going to ruin your life? Yup, for a while. 

Don't get us wrong; we want to see your smiling faces. Please come in. We are so excited to show you our awesome facility and introduce you to our amazing pets. But before you step to the desk about those puppies, we have to show you the evidence. 

Exhibit A: Bathroom Habits

Puppy: Fingerpaints in Own Poop.

It's like a Picasso. But smelly and on your couch.
The only thing more satisfying than pooping in new, exciting and highly inconvenient places is the chance to smoosh your paws in it and then wander across the room. Preferably over carpet and dry-clean only fabrics.

Adult: Has The Same Horror of Her Own Waste That You Do.

Must we even talk about poo? Let's talk about flowers. 
Donatella is housebroken. She doesn't want to be in the same house with her poo, let alone touch it. In fact, after it's done she'll tactfully look away while you pick it up. 

Exhibit B: Eating Habits

Puppy: Feeding Area Has A Debris Field Roughly The Size Of Lincoln, Nebraska.

Guess what's in your shoe? Hint: It looks and smells EXACTLY like half chewed kibble.

Why just eat food when you can stick your whole face in, roll in it, tip it over, dump it on your littermates and scatter kibble like confetti? Ever stepped in canned food in bare feet? Nothing like the squish of puppy goulash between your toes. 

Adult: Believes The Best Place For Food Is In Her Belly

You, cookie - get in my belly!

No one gets as excited by a good snack as Chicadee does. Beefy bits, dry cookies, a nice bowl of kibble or canned - she's on it. Literally on it as in, chews it, swallows it and moves on. She'll even lick the bowl clean so you don't have to worry about ants or anything. She's certainly not going to waste it by chucking it hither and thou. Let's not be uncivilized. 

Exhibit C: Sleeping Habits

Puppy: Sleeps In Twenty Minute Re-Charge Sessions During The Day, Parties All Night.

Here's a pose you won't see after 9 PM....
Like sharing a house with an incontinent frat boy, puppies are going to make sure you don't get to sleep through the night. Instead of beer pong it's whining to be let up on the bed, crying to be taken off the bed,  chewing your toes while they're in the bed or peeing on the pillow. Stop by Starbucks and stock up on the jet-fuel blend - you're going to need it. 

Adult: Doesn't Need A Tempurpedic To Be Out For Eight Hours

Is it naptime yet?
You feel your best and do your best when you get enough sleep and Kermit appreciates that. That's why when you're asleep, he's asleep. Heck, he's even asleep if you're busy doing something else. Kermit loves you and he's mature enough to know that taking care of you means letting you get your rest. Plenty of time to party during the day. 

Obviously there are two conclusions that can be drawn from the evidence:

1) Our adult dogs are awesome. They're waaaaaay more awesome and easier than puppies.
2) You need to come in to visit us and decide for yourself. 

Should you decide you're still interested in the furry little demon spawn, keep an eye on our website. As soon as they're ready for new homes they'll be posted. Should you decide you're interested in one of our awesome adult dogs, pop in right now. Regardless of your choice (evil puppy or wonderful adult dog) we'll be happy to see you.

And we won't poop in your shoes. Though we can't make that promise for the puppies. 



  1. I love your posts. I have 2 chihuahuas, one sleeping in my lap ( a rescue) . One is an alumnus of HSSV. Both adopted as adults. Wonderful companions!

    1. Thanks for giving one of our pooches a great home. Can we interest you in a third? (Just kidding).

  2. I was going to list the phrases that made me guffaw out loud reading this post, but naw... too much typing. Brilliant, as always!

    1. Cheverly, you're awesome. Thanks for always reading the blog. Much shelter-love from your friends in CA.