Don't get us wrong, all of our dogs are good dogs. But like college kids and congressman, they occasionally transgress and get out of hand. Luckily we're on the job to make sure everyone stays on the straight and narrow. These are our stories.
9:25 AM - Potential Vandalization of Agility Equipment in Big Dog Yard.
|How does this thing work?|
Call received that large dog was destroying agility tunnel. Upon entering, was immediately rushed by suspect Giggle who began trying to kiss respondent. Investigation showed dog was not trying to destroy equipment but was instead, very, very bad at agility. Wrote ticket for Epic Dog Sports Fail, threw ball and left suspect to try and work it out with a vienna sausage and absolutely no knowledge of physics. Suspect Giggle was very respectful and affectionate.
|Kiss me, you fool.|
10:39 AM - Dogs Behaving Suspiciously In The Adoption Suites.
|We know nothing of any missing bear.|
Alerted that two dogs in adoption area were acting suspicious. Also received call that large stuffed squeaky bear had gone missing in the same area. Arrived to find two dogs looking vaguely guilty and sitting on large lump on blanket. Without warrant was unable to move the suspects to search under blanket. Questioned both but they denied knowing whereabouts of said bear.
|Bear toy? Us? Never.|
1:52 PM - Drunk and Disorderly on Park Bench
|You really should see me Mashed Potato. It's inspiring.|
Report that small white dog was dancing and doing odd, yodeling Tom Waits impression on park bench outside adoption atrium. Found suspect Memphis in area soliciting cookies from volunteer. Further investigation found that Memphis is just weird and does that little dance a lot and sings when excited. No intoxication suspected. Just very odd little dog.
|I'm concentrating on you giving me that cookie.|
3:25 PM Unauthorized Use of Decorative Fountain
|It's Pibble Soup! I'm a dumpling!|
Responded to report of misuse of decorative fountain in front of building. Arrived to find Danny Boy, a stout bully dog, marinating next to sculpture of dog. Suspect tried to convince respondent that he was actually a performance art piece of the sculpture but was successfully relocated to pool in dog park.
|Okay, now I'm a hot dog. Get it? A hot dog! HA!|
5:39 PM - Shelter Dog Being Followed
|Why does Nice Lady stay close by me? Does she have cheese?|
Shelter dog Boscoe reported being followed persistently at a distance of six feet by a friendly woman brandishing treats. Explained to complainant that was volunteer Iwona who was taking him out and was there to play with him. A relieved and excited Boscoe then presented Iwona with a tennis ball and apologized, explaining he was told never to talk to strangers. Fetch ensued.
|Nice lady throws balls! Nice lady is best thing EVER!|
You know what crime we'd love to respond to? One of our amazing pooches stealing your heart.
Ok, we know that's corny but you really should come down and meet them.